You look perfect tonight!
I need the perfect gift for her anniversary.
He speaks the language perfectly!
Do you also hear such sentences over and over again? What reaction do they trigger in you?
If you prefer to listen to this article instead of reading it, I recorded it for you at the end of this page.
I’m wondering when and why we started attributing superlatives to every aspect of our lives. And, more importantly, what can we do to get back to using them fairly?
How do we use “perfect” in relation to languages?
Languages are my area of expertise, so I can’t help asking myself what perfect means in relation to a language. I’m puzzled by statements such as:
My colleagues have perfect command of this language.
My aim is to speak perfect English.
I like to dedicate my time to analysing language use and personally I know no one who can speak a language perfectly. On the contrary, I need a large notebook to write down all situations when even native speakers made linguistic mistakes, either in speaking or in writing. Therefore, I consider the idea of perfect language use an utopia that we should be aware of rather than reinforcing its ideological existence every time we utter the word perfect in relation to using a language.
Which leads me to the next question: do we actually know what perfect means? Or is it one of these words we use so often, that we have stopped thinking about the message it is supposed to deliver? Let’s go back to the roots and have a look at some of its definitions and synonyms.
The Merriam Webster dictionary defines the meaning of perfect as being entirely without fault or defect; satisfying all requirements; corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept. The Cambridge online dictionary lists the following explanations: complete and correct in every way, of the best possible type or without fault; having nothing wrong. In terms of synonyms, flawless, accurate, pure, total, complete, absolute are some of the words that the Merriam Webster dictionary indicates as worth of substituting our nowadays mundane perfect.
Would we actually use them interchangeably, if perfect were no longer available? Can any of these synonyms accompany a reference to linguistic abilities? Shouldn’t we be then rather looking for appropriate synonyms when referring to language use rather than resorting to the verbal automatism of perfect?
Overuse of “perfect” – a mirror for our mindset
In my view, the words we use reflect our thinking and inner discourse. We may pick up words and phrases that are fashionable during a certain time, but even in this case we apply a more or less conscious filter to which expressions we loan. And they end up literally saying something about us in that specific moment. For example, the use and moreover the overuse of the word perfect could mirror our inner struggle for perfectionism. Just like borrowing certain gestures, a certain mimic or particular words and phrases, perfectionism may be acquired as a thinking pattern from a close person or from someone we admire. As any other mindset, it has its advantages and downsides. While it may motivate us to get better and better every day at diverse professional or personal activities, the danger it brings along may be that we end up never being satisfied with the result. By constantly moving the bar a bit higher, we risk missing out on the feeling of satisfaction accompanying the reach of the initially desired level. And this may lead us to eventually feeling rather frustrated than accomplished.
After reading this statement, I was asking myself whether Voltaire’s view, inspired by the similar Italian proverb, still has a foot to stand on in the 21st century. For a closer view at inner processes associated to perfectionism nowadays, I asked Cristina Beiten, school psychologist, trainer and herself a multilingual living abroad, to give us her professional view on this topic:
If we analyse the Latin origin of the word, “perfect” means something completed, accomplished, finished. Let’s now imagine we are describing someone as being “perfect”. This would mean that we are referring to this person in the past term: he/she is finished, complete, and this view leaves no room for further growth and personal development for this person. In our society, there is the well-known implicit assumption that nobody is perfect, which somehow carries a negative touch in the way it is often perceived. As if nobody is perfect, but everybody wished they were.
But why should we actually be happy that nobody is perfect? Because it gives us the opportunity to have great learning experiences, to want to grow, to develop ourselves in new areas, to strive for the good life, to actually live. Socrates said “The more I know, the more I realise that I know nothing” – therefore, the more we learn and experience, the more we are able to understand how complex different domains are and thus we get more motivated to dig deeper.
Cristina Beiten on being perfect
Is there a workaround?
How could we turn this concept of imperfect, incomplete exemplified by Cristina into a healthy mindset for language learning? For starters, we might start telling ourselves that learning a language (including our mother-tongue) is a process that lasts a lifetime. And the beauty of it is this continuous journey it offers instead of reaching the imaginary perfect stage. Language is a living organism and, just like the body creates new cells and lets go of old ones, the language continuously labels words and phrases as “vintage”, while constantly making room for new ones. The effort of integrating the new linguistic elements into our vocabulary brings us again to a learning process, no matter what our previous language level was. Which, in my view, suggests that we can never be perfect in using a language, as there was never a time when we knew everything there was to know about a language.
For some people, this may sound discouraging – “If I cannot learn even my mother-tongue perfectly, what’s the point in trying to learn another language?” I can understand where this may be coming from – some people start learning an additional language with a precise purpose in mind. If it’s not reachable, their motivation decreases and the initial intention slides under the question mark of doubt. On the other hand, I consider it helpful to have realistic expectations – in this particular case from language learning processes – and to do our best to learn as much and as effectively as we can, without putting ourselves under unnecessary pressure.
Or our children. During the last ten years I’ve met parents who get very concerned whenever their kids do not separate the language spoken at home from the one used in kindergarten or school. Or when their offspring builds up a sentence using words from all languages they know. Or when the siblings communicate with each other using the language used in school instead of the one spoken in the family. Some parents tend to keep a close eye on the child’s language use and jump in with a (maybe too harsh) correction whenever e.g. a grammatical inaccuracy occurred. From my point of view, such worries and prompt reactions may stem also from expectations for our children to be perfect, even if we never utter this word when referring to them. Whenever the context and my relationship with these parents allows it, I remind them that children have their individual development rhythm and that they will eventually reach the stage of separating languages when they consider it necessary. And that frequent grammar corrections may be helpful, as long as they don‘t weaken the kids’ confidence or take away the fun part of learning and using a language.
Children tend to regard language learning as fun, as long as they are not pressured to meet certain “deadlines” for their language development. My t-shirt agrees with them:
Let’s aim then for less perfect and more fun in our own language learning as well as our children’s. I’ve already joined this club, who’s next?
Yours confidently,
Corina