Fun facts in this article When is it ok to refuse palinka in Hungary? Can bikers in Poland enjoy a relaxed ride? Is the French we learnt in school reliable in Brussels?
Sooner or later in life, we invite our partner or a friend to join us in a vacation in our home country. The first article on this topic presented a few ideas that we could easily put into practice for ensuring a pleasant visit both for us and for our invitee. As I’m always interested in the practical aspects of living abroad, I was curious what experiences the readers of this website had when they visited their partner’s or a friend’s country of origin.
The stories I received take us to Belgium, Hungary and Poland and allow us a peek behind the curtains of planning and living this special experience. I hereby want to thank again the travellers who made this follow-up possible by talking so openly about this memorable event. I hope their testimonials are as inspiring to you as they are to me.
If you prefer to listen to this article instead of reading it, I recorded it for you at the end of this page.
Where did they spend this vacation and whom did they travel with?
All the persons who shared their travel experience with us visited their partner’s country of origin. Two of them (Aleksandra and Norbert) are married to each other and, as we will see, they also tell us how they plan their trips together.
Norbert “warns” us from the beginning what his testimonial will be about:
Hello, so this will be about a Hungarian husband‘s trip to the wife’s home country, which is Poland. So, as I said, I visited the place with my wife, who is Polish, the place is Sianożęty, which is a small town at the Baltics seaside in north Poland.
Aleksandra went to Hungary with her husband and she spent time in his home-town and also in nearby cities:
So I went with my husband to his home-town in north-east Hungary and visited places in the area like Eger, Miskolctapolca, Szilvásvárad, Lillafüred.
Ginny (presented here under an alias) visited Belgium with her fiancée:
I was lucky to visit Brussels for the first time and then the second time and then a third time with my partner, who had spent a lot of his childhood there. So it wasn’t just a city that we were exploring together, but a city where the places that we explored were linked with his memories and his experiences, which added a whole different flavour to it.
What information did they receive prior to the trip?
I asked them to think if, before going on vacation, they had received some hints on cultural aspects, local language or dialect, regional customs including habits of people they would surely meet there etc.
Ginny remembered that her image of Brussels before ever seeing the place for herself had been influenced by other people’s impression of this city.
Before visiting Brussels I had already internalised other people’s opinions and most of them weren’t very flattering. It was supposed to be a boring, rainy city, where nothing ever happens. So my expectations were quite low to begin with.
Furthermore, her fiancée gave her hints about the regional dialect:
He warned me from the beginning that Belgian French is pronounced differently and he gave me examples of words or phrases to illustrate it, so I kinda knew what to expect.
Norbert mixed the particular details received from his wife with his previous knowledge about Poland, given the intertwined Polish and Hungarian history.
What info did I receive prior to the trip? A lot! First, because my wife showed me photos and told me stories about her previous visits to the same place. And I was quite clear about the cultural aspects as well, which is quite a common thing when it comes to Hungarian-Polish relationships because we have this historical friendship and knowing a lot about each other’s culture to some… well, a long shared history from dynastic relationships in the Middle Ages to the fact that also we tried to help each other out when the other one had some troubles, like the Hungarian fight for independence in 1948-49, which made Józef Bem, the Polish general, one of our national heroes, after whom you will find a street or square named in practically any Hungarian settlement. Or then, in the beginning of the Second World War, Hungary gave shelter to 100.000 Polish refugees, which is the end of the list of things Hungarians can be proud of related to our role in the Second World War.
Aleksandra relates her reflection upon Polish-Hungarian historical details to cultural and linguistic aspects:
So let me start from what I already knew before going to Hungary. I had some knowledge about the country, since Hungary and Poland are bound by shared historical experience and we were taught about it at school. Also there is a special relationship between the two countries and we have even a popular saying about the traditional kinship, brotherhood and camaraderie between Poles and Hungarians and actually what I’ve done is that I found the English translation of that saying to answer this question. So it goes like that: “Pole and Hungarian brothers be, / good for fight and good for party. / Both are valiant, both are lively, / Upon them may God’s blessings be”. And what I have to say is that actually this remains unchanged and there are multiple internet forums, fan pages, you name it, where you can join Polish-Hungarian groups to share your experiences. Also, from what I know, in Brno there are also more or less regular meetings organised for Polish and Hungarian communities. So this is something that I already knew.
There is one more thing, which is related to the language, and I knew that it will be an obstacle. I mean, maybe not an obstacle, but a real challenge, despite knowing two Slavic languages, French and English, because Hungarian is nothing that I could reference it to. I learnt from my husband some of the vocabulary that we commonly share, but it is hard to grasp the logic of the grammar and it’s even worse (laughs) with the pronunciation. There were very funny situations when I was trying to pronounce some of the words, it went completely wrong (laughs).
Aleksandra has gained informal knowledge about Hungary that allows her to notice more subtle differences to the culture she grew up in:
Now, things that I didn’t know and that I learnt from my husband. So the first thing that was very surprising was that, because of its history, Hungary is not a homogenic country, but a combination of influences of multiple cultures, with Jewish community being one of the biggest. So this is actually present in Hungarian cultural heritage, as well as everyday political and social discourse and this is something that I know thanks to the courtesy of my husband, who is willing to share with me what is happening in his country day to day. And also, coming back to the Jewish part, is that actually a lot of my husband’s friends are Jewish.
Then another thing that I didn’t know is that the approach towards topics which are considered in Poland tabu – you have to know that Poland is a very conservative country and hearing people talking freely about things like let’s say sex – you know, when people were talking in Hungary freely about it (laughs), it felt very weird in the beginning.
Another thing that I learnt being around family members of my husband is that you should never refuse pálinka when offered. Of course, there are exceptions like when you are pregnant or when you simply cannot because of some medications, this is what I guess (laughs). And then Hungarians eat a lot and paprika is an omnipresent spice added to the dishes. And I think the last thing is that Hungarians like to complain a lot. I think that even more than Polish people. So this is what I knew, this is what I learnt.
It isn’t just Aleksandra who can now regard her partner’s country of origin through a veil of familiarity. The first vacation with his wife in Poland offered Norbert the chance to feel more as a local rather than a tourist:
Anyway, so the regional customs and the local language – I can make myself understood in Polish, so that wasn’t an issue, and I made some trips to the Polish seaside before as well, but to a slightly different area, Gdansk, Sopot and Gdynia. It was very much different in Sianożęty, because of the previous dimension – the three towns or cities are quite large and touristic, I mean internationally touristic, whereas in Sianożęty, which was cosy and small and sweet, also the stories were local, so actually it had me to feel more like not being a tourist myself, but to be integrated in the environment.
Were they involved in planning the schedule for this vacation?
I was eager to know if they were just invitees to this visit or if they had a say in organising the trip. My question also had a subtext, namely: did they prefer getting or not getting involved in drafting the plan?
In fact, Aleksandra and Norbert have their routine when it comes to planning holidays together. Here is how Norbert describes it:
So how we are planning with my wife usually is that we plan the macro-itinerary for the travel, so we know when we will leave, where we will stay and so on, but when it comes to the activities there, we are quite spontaneous, so usually we just decide in the morning where we want and how we want to spend the day.
On top of that, Aleksandra prefers to do her own research on the chosen destination:
It works like that: I’m always doing a reconnaissance of the place we go to before the actual trip takes place. This is to make sure that my husband includes in his agenda places or events that I’m keen on to see or attend to.
Visiting his wife’s home country was no exception to their agreement, according to Norbert’s recollection of this event:
Were I involved in planning the schedule for this vacation? Yes. Because of the logistics, we had to pick up my daughter first from Berlin and then take her back, thereof to the vacation.
Ginny had a different experience before travelling to Brussels with her partner:
The upside was that I didn’t have to plan our visit, since he already knew the city inside and out. He adapted to me and he showed me things that he knew I’d enjoy, such as the street corner where Verlaine shot Rimbaud, also lots of manga and a comic store, some old cafés where he encouraged me to talk to the waitress myself and learn the way of the land.
How did they feel during their visit?
For avoiding one-word answers, I asked the readers to support their replies with an example of a pleasant event or a negatively surprising situation.
Ginny appreciated her partner’s patient answers to her linguistic and cultural inquiries:
Still, Brussels is a melting pot of so many different languages and accents, that it’s still hard for me to understand everything. However, I didn’t shy away from flooding my partner with questions like a two-year old. And he was patient enough to throughly answer every question, from things regarding cultural differences between Romania, where I’m from, and Belgium, where he grew up, all the way to translating ingredients on a menu or just random phrases that I heard around me during our walks and I didn’t fully understand their meaning.
Aleksandra was impressed with the warmth she felt in Hungary. Similarly to Ginny, she also ran into some linguistic impediments and she overcame them by finding creative solutions to them. An unexpected encounter with her native language in a touristic location made her happy:
My first encounter with Hungary is all very positive. I was really astonished by the hospitality and friendliness of the people and, even though the language barrier was there, we were using hands and Google translate very heavily and with very funny outcomes sometimes (laughs). What was pleasantly surprising were various instructions, as well as restaurant menus in Polish in Miskolctapolca – this is the place where there is a famous caves-spa with thermal waters and apparently a lot of Polish people are travelling there. So this was a very nice surprise to see that. So, having said that, I don’t have any unpleasant stories to tell, at least nothing that would differ from the experiences in any other country. Thank God! (laughs)
For Norbert, his vacation in Poland was a very pleasant one as well. Nonetheless, there are some aspects that he considers worth of improvement:
How did I feel while being there? Very well.
An example of pleasant and negatively surprising situations. Well, pleasant things: the hospitality of the locals, including the family who was the owner of the property where we stayed or in the middle of the main street of the village there was someone selling kürtőskalács, which is a kind of traditional Hungarian sweets, and then the guy just said that he twenty something years ago tried it in Hungary and he liked it so much, that he decided to join the kürtőskalács business.
Well, then negatively surprising things: price of fish, I wouldn’t expect it close to the Danish price of fish at the seaside, since the sea is there, which has fish in it. And also the respect for bikers on the bike routes – it needs some further improvement, especially if someone is used to how it works in Denmarks or Sweden, for example.
What would have helped them feel more at ease?
Aleksandra had a straightforward answer to this question:
So that’s very obvious, I wish I knew Hungarian at least to an extent I could communicate freely. It was very annoying not being able to understand anything and bothering my husband to translate constantly.
Ginny reflected upon linguistic aspects as well:
Looking back at the experience now, I think I relied on my partner a bit too much, because I was worried about the mistakes that I might make trying to speak French or I don’t know about making a fool out of myself somehow, so I’ll make sure to put myself out there more the next time that we visit Brussels.
Norbert, on the other hand, would not change a thing. Or maybe just an utopian aspect craved for in all of our travels:
So then what would have me to feel more at ease there? Nothing really, it was as good as it should be, maybe if it was one week longer. So it was just absolutely awesome, so much that we would go back soon.
Anything else?
Aleksandra regarded this last question as an opportunity to share with us her opinion on a healthy mindset for travelling:
So I think that whenever we travel it is important to keep an open mind and not give into the stereotypes or urban legends that might be connected to the given country and have really reasonable expectations. It is a very good idea to do a factual research before a trip. This way, one will enjoy the new places and avoid potential disappointments.
I don’t know about you, but I learnt a lot from the readers’ recollections of their first visit to their partner’s home country. Although all of them described this experience as a positive one, the approaches mentioned in their testimonials differ and show us how nuanced the same emotion (in this case being content with a pleasant vacation) can be for each of us. They shed light also on the importance of being able to communicate in the local language without translators. Let’s keep these aspects in mind when we plan the next visit to our country of origin with our partner or with a friend. So that they can remember it in the same positive note as Ginny, Aleksandra and Norbert, whom I thank once more for their contribution to this article.
What shades and nuances is your similar experience made up of? How does it relate to the stories told here? I’m looking forward to hearing about your vacation as well!
Yours confidently,
Corina